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misterdoe

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on: March 13, 2019, 11:58:33 PM
That's not entirely accurate -- this was probably the case before the repost, but in the chapter 1.8 of the Skipper story, in the section with Kalin and his guides(?) in his new place, the section starts out from Kalin's perspective but then shifts from first person to third. Was that intentional?


Vestiphile

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Reply #1 on: March 16, 2019, 01:45:49 AM
What's not entirely accurate?


misterdoe

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Reply #2 on: March 18, 2019, 11:07:08 PM
I mean that the shift in perspective may have been there all along and gone unnoticed (or un-pointed out),


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Reply #3 on: March 20, 2019, 06:40:36 PM
Well, no--not from what I see.
With the exception of Bailey's 1st person stints early in the book, I'm actually pretty consistent about the rule.
We get 1st person (POV Kalin) from any scene Kalin is in, and 3rd person (POV Omniscient/shifting) from all other parties.

With Bailey...I did want inside her head a little bit, but parts where she's ACTUALLY voicing in first person are artifacts.
I wasn't sure how I was going to do the perspective yet. Maybe I assumed I would only do scenes with one or the other's POV and have the scenes switch back and forth when they're out doing different things. Obviously, that's not quite how it went.

Should Bailey's 1st person scene(s?) be changed?
Publisher/Editor's Perspective:
Fuck yes. It's dumb to risk confusing readership because "you wanted to get in her head a little bit." Shifting 1st and 3rd is confusing enough, but as long as you have some semblance of consistency with the "1st if Kalin, 3rd if not" rule, you should adjust anything that lies outside this rule.

Author/Fictional MetaAuthor's Perspective:
It's unconventional, but I dread rewriting a scene outside someone's head when the ENTIRE FREAKING SCENE is Bailey trying to square herself with playing around with her ex-dude's clothing. It literally cannot be the same scene if I'm simply illustrating how she looks and feels. I need her stream of consciousness to remain there, and I need it not to be italicized.

I see chapter 8 starting with 3rd person (Bailey and CM, Bailey and Ghebrin--both from 3rd Omni), then proceeding with 3rd in Vestinia (Ava & Gloria, Ava & a nightgown, Ava and Nyxe's Telepathic voice), then switching to 1st (Kalin and the sentinel ladies), then back to 3rd (Chalco & Bailey), then back to 1st (Kalin et al., Kalin & Nyxe).

So, here we go:

Fauler's writing Kalin's bio, right? That's what we're looking at when we read "Adriksehn:Skipper". Fauler has Kalin's side of the story in a big way, then he has some corroboration from others. He's got some records he can go on, but he's also tasked to 'sell' Kalin, so he's probably painting him in the best light he possibly can here. He's trying as best he can--as a stoner from Ithaca, NY who was kidnapped from our dimension sometime around 2007--to give Kalin a kind of "Philip Marlowe" sheen.
The one time he wrote Bailey in 1st--well, let's just say he was a little too self-involved hearing a very very pretty Kelysnethite talk about how some clothes had a whole lot of fun with her.
« Last Edit: March 20, 2019, 08:00:54 PM by Vestiphile »


misterdoe

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Reply #4 on: March 20, 2019, 08:49:39 PM
Here's what I mean:

Quote
“The big girls win you over easy, then?” I knew the mocking tone, remembering my last gate landing here. Shiny. Dark. Tits like honeydew dipped in liquid latex. Before I even turned toward her, I said it.

“Licorice?”

Ava sneered at the name she gave him after their little encounter. He called her “licorice tits”...and something about it made her thump. Maybe it was his confidence. Maybe it was the fact that despite all that swagger, he had to play by her rules.


Vestiphile

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Reply #5 on: March 20, 2019, 08:53:58 PM
Oh, shit. That is a mid-stream shift! I guess I hadn't noticed.
I should probably go check and make sure there aren't a lot of those...

I really thought I had them isolated to sections!   :o


Vestiphile

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Reply #6 on: March 20, 2019, 09:21:35 PM
Oh, I got it...I just went back to read, and this is the THUMP THUMP THUMP part!
Hmm.
You know...I actually love this part and I'm probably not changing this.
I guess, at critical moments, I do the POV shift in this story. I really want us to know how she feels about him since she's going to end up pretty important to him here.

In contrast with the thong he dealt with earlier, for instance--who was helpful to him, but not warm at all.

I don't want it to seem like lazy writing. It's not. I just forgot that I shifted to her for these paragraphs.
I guess--it IS intentional, though I thought I was being consistent about the use of it in a way that I wasn't.

You didn't say so, but if it's confusing, is there anything I can do to make it clearer when it happens?
« Last Edit: March 20, 2019, 09:31:59 PM by Vestiphile »