The Most Personal Post

[JayHawk303]

I really don't know where to share this to, but I felt like here was as good a place as any.

At the risk of being way too personal, I just had to share why I've been absent lately, and why I've kinda taken a kind of no-holds-barred-no-bullshit-approach to things lately.

In 2016, I noticed I had some rectal bleeding. I chalked it up to hemorrhoids, and started a treatment on my own that should have taken care of things. Things did not get better and for the longest time I put off seeing someone fearing the worst. This progressed to dizziness and fatigue (due to blood loss), and a general feeling of malaise in all areas. Well, things got still progressively worse, and I finally saw a doctor last week after I finally got some good health insurance from my new job. She recommended a biopsy due to some irregular growths she was seeing on areas that will not be named. Turns out preliminary tests are positive for rectal cancer. I'm going to be starting treatments, but I don't really know what it looks like for my outlook, or how well I'll be able to interact in the future with you all. 

But y'all have always been there for me, and I'm so incredibly grateful for being involved in a community that I felt home in. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I'll always have a place here, and I thank each and every one of you for that. Don't put off health stuff!

This is what I think of when I think of our community here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Pr4xK4jlz4

Because each one of you is a rainbow with your own thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and desires. It can all come true, but you gotta work for it. I'm sure I'll still be around. Hopefully the secondary round of tests come back with more pleasant results, but I've felt it inside me. I don't think I'm wrong, but I hope to be. I really hope to be. I just only found out today. I'm not sure what I'll do if it all comes back to confirm what I hope to not be true. But yeah. Sorry to depress you all if I have. I just needed to let it all out as I'm tired of holding it in.

All the best,
J

[Vestiphile]

Jay, I'm so sorry.
I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say our thoughts are with you.

Support goes hand-in-hand with healing, so absolutely keep us informed here in any way you're comfortable and know that you can always come to me personally (and I'm sure at least a couple others here) if you need to talk. We're here for you.

[former182]

Jayhawk, I'll keep you in my prayers.

[calx86]

So sorry to hear J, this breaks my heart.  We are all here for you!!!!!! *hugs*

[Lurking_Rioter]

I came here to be turned on, not to catch a sudden feeling of sadness.

In all serious, what the f-ck. As cringe-y as it sounds, my prayers for you. We're glad to have a member like you on the board, and even a forum lurker like me would want to say something to you.

So yeah, like Vestiphile said: keep us informed. We're all optimistic for you and we genuinely wish you good health!

[misterdoe]

Wow -- you have a lot on your plate Jay! Like you said, I hope a second opinion brings better news. And like others have said, you'll be in my prayers.

And yes, we all need to be sure to stay on top of health stuff. Even if you feel OK, better to let a doctor tell you that you are OK. Guys especially tend to belittle health issues and shrug off pain. Never a good idea!

My heart and kidney issues might have been much less major than they turned out to be (aortic valve and aortic root replacement, kidney transplant) if I had addressed them immediately instead of procrastinating... but I just got a clean bill of health, relatively speaking, from the cardiologist and kidney doctor. Next is the endocrinologist on Monday, and then the dentist and the GI doctor...